Friday, November 28, 2008

Black Friday Stomp

I see that all the news shows have been hyping that we all get out and shop like good little consumers, even more intensely than ussual and especially today. I rarely leave the house on black friday and absolutely avoid any commercial centers if I do. A couple years ago between beers and turkey samdwiches I imagined what it my be like if I were infected with the sort of crazed consumerism that would get me out in the dark and cold to paticipate in a stampede into a (shudder) mall or (wretch) a Walmart. A happy Thanksgiving and a very peaceful Black Friday to you.

Black Friday Stomp

Friday mornin six AM standin here in line
Thanksgivin that might‘ve been livin, but it’s time to do some buyin
Cold’n damp along the wall, like in years before
Gotta thirst to be the first when they open up them doors
On our black Friday shoppin stomp, parkin lot hoppin romp
Pilgrims flockin by the score to the big box store

Don’t you push, don’t you shove, don’t you cut in line
We ain’t here to mess around, we ain’t got the time
Got our lists clenched in our fists, our marchin orders clear
If you ain’t with us yer agin us, git on outta here
On our black Friday shoppin stomp, parkin lot hoppin romp
D-day is at hand, the moment crouches near

Sakes alive, believe our eyes, the doors flung open wide
Swept along by the throng as we push our way inside
Triumphant cries and giddy smiles fanning out along the aisles
Scanning high, peering low among the mounding piles
Got to have this year’s device, no other will suffice
Stand aside won’t be denied, I’ve traveled all these miles

Round the corner twist and spin, man I’ve got the moves
Weaving out and weaving in, each year my skill improves
Got here fast and glory be there upon the shelve
This year’s gotta have it gadget, gonna grab it for my self
On our black Friday shoppin stomp, parkin lot hoppin romp
Three reasons for my ceasing, quickness, cunning, stealth

There’s the last within my grasp, got here just in time
Hey you git your mits off, that item is mine
In a flash grab it dash off to the cashier
My nemesis will not desist chasin at my rear
On our black Friday shoppin stomp, parkin lot hoppin romp
Dear Lord make fleet my feet, git me outta here

With a last ditch dive, my pursuer brings me to the floor
As I stumbled, nearly fumbled, never done that before
In the aisle a people pile asses, ankles, elbows
Got to be in possession when that whistle blows
Eye gouging, ankle bitting, all to get my grip untightened
Felt the blackness welling up and I slipped below

When I came to and I looked down much to my despair
The space in between my hands, nothing there but air
How could I return home, face my family
See their expectant eyes gazing back at me
On black Friday I got stomped, in the big box I got romped
So I signed aboard a merchant freighter and headed off to sea.

Copyright Sean Cranley November 26, 2004 (till death +75yr)

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